Tat Skins

Impotent Products

Don't you just love a human covered in sweet, sweet ink? Chiseled abs christened with swoopy tribal tats; flexed upper arms sporting anchors, "mom"-in-hearts, and Bart Simpson riding a skateboard; ripped thighs showcasing one's a-little-too-uncomfortable love for a niche harem anime. Oh, how you could just eat them up—figuratively, of course, since cannibalism is illegal... That is, at least, before Impotent Products' expert team of lawyers found a loophole in both the FDA's requirements for what classifies as 'food,' as well as Washington State's loose laws around desecration of a corpse.

And with that I give you...

—T.G.WHY Friday's Tat Skins—

It's that crispy, oily mouth feel that you've grown to love from fried potato skins, but here's where Tat Skins peels away from the competition: Every piece of fried flesh is guaranteed to be comprised of 32% heavy metals found in tattoo ink. Will you die from consuming that much mercury? Not it you follow the serving size!*

*serving size is 1/2 a chip

On top of that, each bag of Tat Skins contains your daily recommended intake of lower back butterfly tattoos.

Preparing a meal for the whole family? Simply take an unopened bag of Tat Skins, crush the contained chips with a rolling pin, and sprinkle that deep-fried dermis on any casserole that calls for a terribly drawn Michael Jackson with the caption "He touched so many."

Mmm I certainly wouldn't crush up this Tat Skin and sprinkle it over a tater tot casserole. No, sir. I would not.

Buy Tat Skins in all glorious flavors:

Skin Salt & Vinegar

Stick & Poke Barbecue

Sour Cream and Bunion

Dill Pickle Rick

Flamin' Hot Nacho Cheeks

'Oops All Spelling Mistakes' Cool Ranch

Purchase Tat Skins wherever drunken mistakes are made permanent.