Stairwell Aficionado
Cement stairs. Metal rails. Moderately irate professors shushing my class-interrupting singing. I'm sorry, but this just happens to be my favorite place on campus to play guitar and make unsettling screeching noises. I guess I'll go to my second-favorite location and then ad-lib a song about how all teachers in the SEM II building are big doody heads.
Well, I happened to have already done a stairwell review of that stairwell. It so happens to be a stairwell at which I was playing my last song of the day when, while I was hurriedly packing up my guitar—true story, like all my stories, of course—a group of students rushed up the stairwell. I had already wiped the sweat from my brow, blown my hair away from my forehead anime-style, and was walking away as if I was Mark Wahlberg and there was an explosion behind me, its flames tickling my rump and causing an uncomfortable smile to appear on my face. But lo-and-behold as I strode away without looking back, I saw the reflection in the glass doors; the group of students had made it to my floor and were staring at me walking away like a badass. Part of me (the narcissistic part of me) wanted to stop, turn around, and bathe in the glory and appreciation that the gaggle of Greeners wished to bestow upon me. The other part of me (the narcissistic but shy as all fuck part of me) wanted to vacate not only the area of campus but ALL OF CAMPUS ITSELF. plz dont look at me.
How dare someone appreciate my cover songs?! I'm not even singing original tunes; these apparent "appreciators" of mine do not deserve the copy and pasted songs I sing that resonate across these lovely stairs, up and down which I have walked so many times. I've sort of long since graduated from Evergreen, but I make it a point to return—return to these stairs; return to red square; return to Einstein Brothers Bagels and press my face against the glass, reminiscing about the many bagels I toasted and sent out to hungry Greeners.
Greeners who sometimes waited for their orders for an ungodly amount of time. And that was time that I spent wishing I was outside my little shop, walking up and down Evergreen's cement stairs. And that's the truth. I loved (and still love) walking up the SEM II stairs and looking across Evergreen's horizon, searching for some college experience I wish I had.
The circus club looked fun but challenging. The school farm was enticing, and growing food seemed like such an innately human experience. Hell, dorm life is something I'll never fully grasp. Sports? My skeletal frame would've broken to smithereens. Smithereens, I say!
Evergreen was a campus I never explored with friends. It feels as if I saw the majority of it alone while longboarding around and playing Pokemon GO. This review has turned into a giant suckfest of truth and nostalgia. One time while I was playing guitar by this stairwell, a girl performed some elegant dance moves and cartwheels. We didn't talk much, and I never saw her again, but I cherish that moment we shared. If I remember correctly, someone handed me money when they recognized I was playing Creep by Stone Temple Pilots. Another time a bird pooped on my binder while I was at the top of SEM II. It was so close to adorning my head. I hope to have more memories at Evergreen. Cheers—here's to you, Evergreen, and specifically you, Speedy the Geoduck, you sexy fuck.
This stairwell gets 4 "Excuse me, I'm trying to teach a class here"s out of 5.
