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Impotent Products
Apr 272 min read
Kingdong Hards for PlayStation 2
Donald, Goofy, and Sora fight the hordes of Hardless, thrusting and busting evil Dicney villains who use The Hardless like pawns.
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Mar 242 min read
Stuart Belittle
The moment The Littles make their decision to adopt him, Stuart berates his fellow orphans for having been picked-over for a mouse.
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Mar 212 min read
Flay's Hand Peeled Skin Chips
Skin chips are hand peeled & fried to dry, flaky perfection. Naturally salty, our crispy boys are sure to satisfy any cannibalistic cravings
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Mar 202 min read
Falanel | Flannel-Coated Falafel
Our employees painstakingly clothe magma-hot falafel in flannel, creating our trademark product: FALANEL
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Mar 102 min read
Nunyuns | Onion Flavored Halos
Relief instantly washes over you, as Nunyun holes are large and famously not tight. Sticking one's finger in a Nunyun gives no satisfaction.
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Mar 32 min read
AirBud vs MVP
The animals' bodies begin to grow. A little. They grow, like, almost a foot bigger. It's super intense.
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Jan 151 min read
Take 5 Gum | Urani-yum Blue Flavor
Imagine adding ice cubes to trail mix.
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Dec 28, 20231 min read
Baldur's Gait
Baldur's Gait is finally here for an Xbox360. Come see and watch all the horses walking that you could for ever ask.
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Nov 12, 20232 min read
Guy-Burst | Hair Gel-Infused Candy
It feels like I swallowed a live hedgehog. It's like my esophagus is a window curtain, and that blue candy I swallowed was Garfield.
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Nov 12, 20231 min read
Heir Fryer | The Answer to Problematic Progeny
Once your unwanted progeny has entered the chamber (in the hopes of getting his freak on), shut the door behind him and release the flames!
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Oct 9, 20231 min read
Disney PIXAR Presents: Boratatouille
The health inspection was not great success. But the soup was to die. And die they did do. High five!
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Jul 13, 20232 min read
Hot Sockets
Upon first bite the Hot Socket burns my mouth in 2 ways. 1st the marinara instantly perforates the roof of my mouth with second-degree burns
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Jun 2, 20231 min read
Chewee's Caramels OOPS! All Salt
We made Gerald try out one of these heavily-salted caramels. After eating one, Gerald was speechless.
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Jun 1, 20231 min read
Dong Smasher 2K23
In a land ruled by dongs, only one dongless individual can stand up and say, "No dongs for me, please."
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May 3, 20231 min read
Sham Pain
This is a bottom shelf wine for a bottom shelf kind of night.
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Apr 24, 20231 min read
Chodelula Hot Sauce
What if hot sauce could stretch out your insides without wrecking you deep, deep in your intestines?
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Apr 11, 20231 min read
Pre-Kissed Grits
Y'all ever get tired of folks hollering at you, "Kiss my grits"? Just whip out a box of Albers Pre-Kissed Grits and tell them "No thanks."
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Mar 22, 20231 min read
Mussolini Cuisini | Frozen Entrée Ration
The only frozen dinner for one that's actually meant to be split between the whole family. In fact, that's our slogan.
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Mar 15, 20231 min read
Nerds Candy Cummy Clusters
Feel the eruption of flavor as you bite through the crunchy candy exterior and sink your teeth into the spunky, adhesive-like interior.
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Mar 1, 20231 min read
Cup my life into Reese's
Entire cup may be submerged in a milky brine.
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Feb 28, 20231 min read
()hole Milk
The only difference is that you can visibly & physically verify our non-mystery liquid via the revolutionary hole in the side of the bottle.
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Feb 23, 20231 min read
Glube | For Couples Trying to Conceive
Men get bored after a while and tend to wander off post-nut. That's where Glube cums in.
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Jan 28, 20231 min read
CREEPER VANS | Off the Ankle Monitor
How does one send out the signal, "I'm interested in abducting you off the street in open daylight"?
With CREEPER VANS, of course!
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Jan 26, 20231 min read
What to Expect When You're Expecto Patronum-ing
You brought this creature into the world; you raise it.
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Jan 25, 20231 min read
Shart Through the Heart | Novel, Thriller
Impotent Products | Henry swore up-and-down that farts could sound like wet bubbling, slopping against polyester.
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Dec 22, 20221 min read
PENultimate 2.0
PENultimate 2.0 — It's not the ballpoint pen you're looking for, but it's the one you happen to find first or, rather, find second-to-last.
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Nov 1, 20221 min read
Mattrescide | Queen Bed Disposal/Deposal
It's time to step away from the guillotine and give Mattrescide a call.
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Oct 27, 20221 min read
Inchiladas
Perhaps it's time to talk to your proctologist about INCHILADAS. The food designed to be eaten in two bites or less.
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Oct 19, 20221 min read
Marmas | Boo Raspberry
Look for Boo Raspberry Marmas in the section of the weed store where the budtender has been screaming and crying blood since the start of th
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Oct 12, 20221 min read
Blur Raspberry Marmas
What does Blur Raspberry taste like, you ask?
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Jun 8, 20222 min read
The Tuning Forklift
Impotent Products So you're seventeen minutes into what's supposed to be Band Aid 38 (the supergroup of famous musicians making an album...
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Jun 3, 20221 min read
Fry-Burst | Chicken Cordon Bleu Raspberry
Impotent Products You know when things get put inside other things, and then you roll that up and put it in another thing? And then you...
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Sep 13, 20212 min read
Yogurt Lidz
Simply throw the empty, yogurt-less plastic cup somewhere in nature or in any garbage can that's right next to a recycle bin.
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Aug 29, 20211 min read
High-Wurst
High-Wurst are gummy dummy thicc frankfurters that will fill your entire mouth with smokey, Capri Sun-like flavor.
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Aug 9, 20211 min read
Tat Skins
Each bag of Tat Skins contains your daily recommended intake of lower back butterfly tattoos.
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May 13, 20211 min read
THCRABBLE: Mike Tython Edithion
Enjoy spelling your favorite words without the difficult-to-pronounce no-no letter, replacing it with good ol' "TH"; mother nature's "S".
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Apr 25, 20211 min read
Hive-Burst | Bee-Infused Candy
I wasn't aware that BEES FIXED THE FLINT, MICHIGAN WATER CRISIS. Oh, wait, they didn't! Piss off, Jerry.
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Apr 25, 20211 min read
High-Bert
This post is sponsored by the letters "T" "H" & "C".
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Apr 25, 20211 min read
Kakauabunga
Kick the office paper shredder and shuck open a box of Kakauabunga!
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Apr 18, 20211 min read
S Cargo | French Bistro Mollusc Delivery Service
Impotent Products Impotent Products is expanding into the food delivery market! Through online polling, questionnaires, and blurting out...
28 views0 comments
Feb 19, 20211 min read
The Adventures of Marma Man and Brownicle Boy
Buy your own "Action Figures" at a weed shop near you and recreate all of Marma Man and Brownicle Boy's high-larious adventures.
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Feb 19, 20211 min read
fitbitch | Fitness Devolved
Seamless smart-phone pairing lets you be disappointed by your dog anywhere. The option to relay voice messages of your shame.
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Feb 7, 20211 min read
Mari's Confinemints
The grape flavor is TO DIE FOR. Billy Fishskin was transformed into a gelatinous, bloody pool AND STILL WENT BACK FOR SECONDS.
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Feb 6, 20211 min read
Kàkaw | Crow Shrieks in a Box
Kàkaw is sold in the section of the weed store where a generous-but-misguided budtender is rolling joints with lotto tickets.
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Feb 5, 20211 min read
Eye Brownies
They called you crazy for wanting to stick baked goods onto your face.
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Jan 10, 20211 min read
Marmanaras
As basil hits your tongue, your Sicilian crone-of-a-mother-in-law nods her head in approval of you—for once. Savor it, mi amore.
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Dec 27, 20201 min read
Trainimorphs
It's up to one man who can shape-shift into a train to speed around the world and collect the world's last humans with fair derrieres.
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Dec 22, 20201 min read
Chee-Z Vape
Just take a nice, deep breath and let your lungs fill with thick clouds of aged cheddar. Welcome to the future—it smells like foot.
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