Due to Circumstances Beyond Control, City No Longer Accepting Curbside 4-Chord Musicians
The Impotent Satyr "Due to oversupply and limited markets, we have seen a dramatic increase in costs associated with buying your child or...
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Dec 19, 2019
Redditor Moving to Olympia Receives Unanimously Agreed Upon, Unbiased Answers From r/Olympia
"Know that I speak for not only this subreddit but for all of Olympia when I say that houseless people are not a problem."
830
Dec 4, 2019
Olympia TRL Closed Until Feb 3, Librarians Engage in Raucous Month-Long Bender
One librarian used page 489 from the 1994 edition of Plants of the Pacific Northwest Coast to roll a sizeable but tight blunt.
326
Nov 11, 2019
Evergreen's Flaming Eggplant Cafe to Reopen After Discovering Sanitizer
For the next hour, Ken wowed those in attendance with absurd science-fiction tales of refrigeration units kept at a temp below 41 degrees.
437
Nov 6, 2019
One Last Political Ad (Before We Watch This Kid Get Chucked in the Lake)
Vote to re-elect Cheryl Selby or she'll chuck this kid in Capitol Lake
128
Nov 4, 2019
Nathaniel Jones for Mayor--Endorsed by Nathaniel Jones
Nathaniel Jones didn't write those quotes about himself. He is very popular. And, like Kim Jong-il, he golfed a perfect game then retired.
283
Oct 29, 2019
Boots for City Council Position 2
The council must pull themselves up by their boot straps instead of relying on their feeble velcro (wasted tax-payer dollars) to save them.
141
Oct 25, 2019
Helen Wheatley for Boat Decommissioner
"I would be honored to serve with Helen Wheatley in the impending boat genocide. Together we can return the Port to the people." -E. J. Zita
158
Oct 21, 2019
Olympia Furniture Co. Sign Spinner Listening to Job-Mandated Upholstery ASMR
"I walked into Mr. Nelson's office and found him rubbing his chin on a Coaster memory foam mattress!"
97
Oct 14, 2019
TESC Facilities Workers Given LEGO Technic Sets to Repair Deteriorated Maintenance Systems
"I don't know how I'm supposed to use this to clean up asbestos; I don't know how I'm supposed to use this to clean up anything."
216
Oct 9, 2019
"You Don't Even Piss Without Asking First" OHS Climate Action Club Instructs City Council
Shen breathed heavily and mightily into the flimsy audio receptacle. "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."
136
Sep 26, 2019
Lady Burns Tongue Sampling Coffee in B&B Tasting Room, Acts Like it Fine When it Not at All
"You should also be getting hints of Tian Shan mountain range gravel," the barista sold, touching her thumbs to fingers, pedaling her hands.
182
Sep 23, 2019
If Emmet O'Connell Has to Remind One More Guest That This the OLYMPIA Standard He'll Say Cuss Word
"I feel the bulging sensation of an expletive coming down the pipeline!"
421
Sep 20, 2019
After 10 Years in Business Burial Grounds Considering Using Coffee Beans
When I found that unidentifiable liquid in the back of the refrigerator and worked it into the special of the day called The Cold Case Vial
377
Sep 18, 2019
After Wane in Funding, Olympia Film Society Just Winging it w/ Shadow Puppets
"I can make a rock," piped up Tom Rieger, holding a fist in the air.
184
Sep 16, 2019
Spooner Berry Farms Now Offering Strawberry Puree I.V. Directly into Veins
We have seven gurneys surrounding the wooden hut and staff that have taken and passed a one-hour online course certifying them in I.V. use.
382
Sep 14, 2019
Oly PD Sweep 4th Ave Bridge Camp, Uncover Non-Regulation Yu-gi-oh Dueling Ring
"It's worse than we thought," said Chief of Police Ronnie Roberts. "They're playing unsupervised non-regulation Yu-gi-oh card tournaments."
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