Customers ordering by-the-handful may not have their pizza reheated, for reasons Vics' lawyers claim are 'paramount in avoiding a law suit.'

The Impotent Satyr Thurston County's darling Italian sub sandwich shop announced, via a message burned onto thirty-seven hoagie roll...

The Impotent Satyr

The Impotent Satyr

The Impotent Satyr

Rip and tear, until women's rights are upheld.

"Alright," the Lead Manager said in a defeated tone. "Slap a '98 cents' sticker on that thing and add it to the pile."

Right now the bumps in the road give drivers a jarring, earthquake-like sensation that has their morning coffee thrashing about and spilling

Yo, Aunt Jemima, we'll convene when these bad boys are luke warm and supine on my plate.

"We're gonna fuck and fuck some more until we get our social distancing restrictions back again—this time enforced by police."

"I mean, the whole city is on fire; why shouldn't my lungs be?" West Olympian Aarnold Lemonberry reasoned aloud with himself.

If you can't fake a smile when my presence is presented, know that I take it as an act of aggression. First Fallujah, then Aleppo, now Oly.

"Get your ass out here, you blasphemous homosexu—uh, sorry, force of habit."

We are expected to write down our Olympia names (River, Forest, Moon Unit, Ranger, Sunshine) on the notepad adjacent to New Moon's entrance.

"I now have all this extra time to get some real work done," Ryin told us as he exited the building for his third twenty-minute break.

"At first he was only loading up on thick and long vegetables: a gargantuan carrot, a monstrous cucumber, truly a leviathan of a zucchini."

I received this in the mail and was feeling nostalgic about voting season.

"I saw her pointing somewhat toward her mouth area and yelling, 'Put it here, dummy.'"