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Mar 17
America Has Developed the World's First Non-Sexual Food
Food scientists at Standford & Sons University have bio-engineered the very first food that is not sexual in any way, shape, or form.
12
Feb 5
Embarrassed Coworker Caught on Fly Trap Chooses Death Over Asking for Help
"Believe it or not, while hanging from this adhesive tape covered in dead flies, I've found God. And She has a proboscis."
30
May 9, 2023
Vics Now Offering Pizza By-the-Handful
Customers ordering by-the-handful may not have their pizza reheated, for reasons Vics' lawyers claim are 'paramount in avoiding a law suit.'
576
Mar 31, 2023
Hairnets, Beardnets, Now Hornets: How This Kitchen is Ushering in the New Standard for Hygeine
Elsa shined a heat lamp in her employees’ faces and was horrified by what she saw; Their mouths were humid and coated in saliva.
27
Feb 10, 2023
New Coworker Already Repeating Dialogue Lines
"He hadn't even worked a full week yet! He was hired on a Wednesday, and he's already said the same thing twice!"
19
Oct 6, 2021
Report: Funnel Jamming Drawer Yet Again
The Impotent Satyr Jeez loo-eez. Can I catch a break while reaching for a slotted spoon? I'm just trying to stir the macaroni noodles I...
27
Aug 15, 2021
Meconi's to Alter Name to McConi's, Serve Irish Take on Subs
The Impotent Satyr Thurston County's darling Italian sub sandwich shop announced, via a message burned onto thirty-seven hoagie roll...
210
Sep 27, 2020
"Hell has a new resident," Says Local Candidate & Paste-Eater C Davis—He's Not Entirely Wrong
Rip and tear, until women's rights are upheld.
55
Sep 13, 2020
Bullied Student Dons Mask & Brings Temperature Gun to School, Opens Fire
His thermometer gun is drawn and aimed at the forehead of 1st string quarterback and "COVID is a hoax" enthusiast Broman Guyperson.
35
Aug 11, 2020
Biden: "Sure, I Sniffed a Woman's Hair Once or Twice In College, But I Never Inhaled"
So I took a lady, Mary Jane, from a guy on my left, and then I poked my nose through her curls and took in a whiff. BUT I DID NOT INHALE!
35
Aug 2, 2020
Speed Racer Fan Theory Confirmed: "Yes, Everyone is Cumming Their Pants Constantly"
"Every executive at TV Tokyo knew exactly that those moans weren't of astonishment"
346
Jul 28, 2020
Unhinged Rainy Day Records Employee Accepts Yet Another 'Better Than Ezra: Deluxe' Trade-In
"Alright," the Lead Manager said in a defeated tone. "Slap a '98 cents' sticker on that thing and add it to the pile."
293
Jul 26, 2020
Altar Boy on Third Attempt to Extinguish Candle Really Feeling God's Mockery
Sweat slid down Jose's temples and dripped onto the fruit punch-stained collar of his alb.
46
Jul 15, 2020
City Manager Concludes There Not Enough Bumps on 1-5 On-Ramp at Exit 107
Right now the bumps in the road give drivers a jarring, earthquake-like sensation that has their morning coffee thrashing about and spilling
508
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